Let’s get organized!

My oh my~ I thought being near to the end of the year would give me much free time, but … how wrong is that!

Life doesn’t want to wait for me. It needs to keep on going! And maybe, because I am still part of it, I feel like I also have to keep running. Am I engined by fear? Or guilt? Ambition?

Maybe I need to provide my own free moments a.k.a leisure time. Maybe I should perceive daily activities or “survival activities” as some kind of pleasure, so I don’t need to have a separate leisure time. Maybe I should find small things that delighted me during those daily “duties” and note those tiny moments as pixels that compose my leisure time.  Maybe “free moments” are just a sort of illusion, for I am not really sure what I am talking about. Or maybe I need to “catch” some heartfelt rare moments, be still, absorb everything and put them inside a transparent jar of memory.

Or maybe leisure time is like the light at the end of a tunnel. It is like a myth, whether the light is really there or not, nobody can tell. It is easy to ask “where is the end?”, “is it worthwhile?” and “should I quit?”. Everything is still dark. Now, what I have in mind is I should <a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/saved-by-the-bell/”>continue</a&gt; running because staying in the dark is not an option. Maybe I just need to have some faith and enjoy the journey. Embrace self-denial and say “this is good for me” (add: for the long term/future).

For now i have to get organized. Otherwise it would be so difficult to get some sleep. Like now. I was so sleepy the whole day (when I’m supposed to get things done) and I cannot sleep at night (when I’m supposed to rest and be recharged for the next day). In short, without being organized my life has (again) started to become a mixture of 1. guilt: because not doing what I (feel like) should have done 2. panic: because I’m not sure whether or not I could finish the tasks 3. escapism: because to avoid stress I postpone what I am supposed to do. And the cycle goes on. As a result I got entertained by too many strange dreams in each sleep.

Please tell me this is holiday season.

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Author: nadya

on-going tensions between ready-made values and uncharted territory

3 thoughts

  1. I kinda went thru the same cycle, especially number 3. Escapism. That’s a very accurate definition of what happened to me. :p
    And if there’s a saying that “past has a way to catch up with you”, i think there should be a “what-u-keep-escaping-from has a way to catch up with u” saying 😀
    Anyways, this post means a lot to me, thank you for voicing what i couldn’t express in words, nad 🙂

  2. Aku mbalah akeh leisure time ik Nad.., zona nyaman… hehe.. dadine yo ngene iki, ngene ngene wae. no significant improvement. :p
    Njaluk info beasiswa mbiyen kae nganti saiki rung tak dalami mneh ik, pdhl le njaluk sajak serius yo.. hehe.. maap yo Nad..
    Sukses buat Nadya yg semakin terorganisir (koyo jaringan teroris ae..). aku kelingan mbiyen tau nyelamati pas koe ultah, 3-4th yll, SUKSES BUAT SEGALA RENCANA2MU..! smoga saiki wes ene jawab e ya.. 🙂
    jaya padmanaba jaya ips 😀

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