tulisan nadya remaja

hahaha … arsip, kutulis selepas sma …. πŸ™‚

***

What if we woke up one day and realize that our life was just a dream?

You were there, sweeping the floor, and I left you.
The second time I saw you at the same day, you were still there, still sweeping the same floor.

That’s why you impressed me. I felt your sensation. I’ve got you running in my mind, every single day. I’ve let my imagination wildly uncontrolled. I’ve wrote your name secretly in the sand and erased it afterwards. I closed my eyes and called you out loud in my sleep. I hide under my blanket and hold my pillow tight. I’ve been unreasonable every time I was near you. I cracked up jokes to see you smile, and that’s the time I felt a peaceful happiness inside my soul.

But then I looked at you, and myself. I was confused and yelled silently: why must this happened? There’s a shadow haunting me. I’m an evil. I truly am. I couldn’t continue this because I will hurt you whatever I do. I believe I will, because I’m destined to hurt people, and you’re not any exception. I know I will, even though I tried my best to be careful and avoid the worst. I will disappoint you. I will make you down. I’m not the one for a soft-hearted but tough-appearance person like you. You deserve someone better, not a useless stupid girl like me. Before it’s too late, I’m sorry, I think I must fade away.

Don’t ever think this is easy for me. I’m suffering inside, the same as you do. I feel the pain through your eyes. Where’s the warmness you usually have? You never called me from the window like you used to do. You never smile nor making my smile anymore. I can’t recognize the new you, the tense and easily-tempered you. I’m sick of you, the angry you. I’ve got tired fighting with you. That’s the only way we communicate lately. I shouldn’t respond you anyway.

I can’t imagine I considered you cheerful before. But, you were cheerful, and I miss those times. I miss your shy and secret stare to my ‘artistic’ hands (although you try to hide it, wel… actually I know but I let you^^). I miss the way you laugh. I miss your ‘accident’ small fingertip touch to my hand, that made something inside me beating fast, my stomach crumbled, I’ve never felt before (–why was it always about hand? are you obsessed with mine^^;?) I miss your spirit. I miss our times before. If only I could let you know. If only I could tell you, but I couldn’t. If only you knew without me telling you. If only I could erase your despair, but I couldn’t, or maybe, won’t. My heart broke seeing you sitting alone hopelessly and full of sorrow, but I couldn’t let myself do anything about it. It’s like we’re living in a different world. It’s better this way. At least, I’m the evil one, not you. This position, I can bear.

There’s a voice of the Beatles. John Lennon singing,”let me take you down cause I’m going to… strawberry fields, nothing is real, and nothing to get hungabout. Strawberry Fields Forever.

Everything are fake, including you and me.

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Author: nadya

on-going tensions between ready-made values and uncharted territory

14 thoughts

  1. God, your writing..!!

    Why Nadi, everything that’s secretly saved in my heart is spoken here, flowing so easily in this piece of beautiful thought?

    I should never read this and listen to Al Green at the same time πŸ™‚

      1. oh, i see… I think u have some good skills in this writing2an, though it took me some times to understand it. btw when did u write this? 10, 20 years ago?

      2. wow, thx *flattered*
        mungkin mending aku nulisnya pake bahasa indonesia aja yaa, biar lebih gampang dimengerti
        about 6 years ago πŸ˜› when i was 17 y’old
        btw troy alamat blog-nya apa nih?

  2. Kueeerreennnn abiiissss!!

    Mbak, jangan dibahasa indonesia’in. Ini udah bagus banget.
    Menurutku malah Mbak Nadya bagus nulis bahasa Inggris lho!!

    Cakep banget bahasanya.. Ehehehhehehe.. Mengingatkan ku sama sahabatku yang pinter banget nulis dlm bahasa Inggris.

    1. ehe tengkyuuu …. πŸ˜€ itu juga jujur nao … skarang pengen kayak gitu koq susah ya banyak kebingungan dalam diri huehehehehe …. πŸ˜›

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