never superstitious enough

my close friend told me, whenever i’m in the mode of questioning, have loads to ask, being so curious, longing for answers, i should open divan, hafiz poetry book. it’s a persian tradition, people look inside this book to meet their answers. well i don’t have that book, and she kindly inform that i can reach it from the net. honestly in the beginning i thought it’s kinda superstitious, but … for the sake of poetry, i think there’s nothing to lose. there’s nothing to regret on reading a fine poetry, right? so, i opened this. i’m not seriously asking my questions to this site, well, come on… i  just let my questions slightly come pass my heart, and there’s not just one but few questions…about my scripshit, about “who am i?”, my wild dreams, my (smiling/malu oiy) love life 😛 well, turns out that good friends’ advice is always a special something. now after clicking the button to get the answer, i just wanna say how much i was surprised reading the answer. oh my god, is such thing as ‘oracle’ do exist?

here is the answer for me, and if you know me that well, you’ll be surprised too about me getting this poetry as an answer. i mean, it feels like this poetry is dedicated for me, for me. finally i could say things that are really me. maybe i’m too hysterical, a little creepy i guess to believe in such things. maybe it’s just random anyway. well, try it for yourself because for this moment i really think this poetry shows me part of who i am. thanks girl, i miss u 😛

beautiful and shocking poetry (what a combination, ahahah)

Ghazal 233

Till you grant my wish, I won’t give up my demand
I will reach the Soul of Souls, or be buried in this land.
When I am dead and buried, open my grave and see
Smoke rising from my corps, by my inner fire fanned.
Show Thy face to the people, awe-struck and radiant
Man and woman will cry out, at Thy smallest command.
I am tired of this life, jealousy eats away my heart
Without a kiss from your lips, I end my worldly errand.
In search of those sweet lips, I have spent my whole life
Desires of the deprived, those lips will reprimand.
In the circles of the Lovers, his goodness they understand,
With reverence, Hafiz’s name, they pass from hand to hand.

::little notes for myself, finally …. hwahhh

  • yes (admit it, nad), i am that persistent girl, sometimes a stubborn stone headed creature that won’t easily give up…giving up is hard for me, ’til i get what i want …. scary, don’t you think?
  • and yeaahhh … i’d (come on be honest nad, eventhough it’s hard) rather be black or white, meaning: yes or no, something for sure or nothing at all…. i’m not really good at handling that half on-half off-gray area, sorry
  • about that grave, i don’t know what it means hahahaaa (“open my grave and see” ?) because i don’t know what is “fanned”. now after looking up to dictionary online “To stir (something) up by or as if by fanning: fanned the flames in the fireplace; a troublemaker who fanned resentment among the staff.” or “(of a breeze, current of air, etc.) to blow upon, as if driven by a fan: A cool breeze fanned the shore” or “to spread out like a fan: The dealer fanned the cards. this details bored you, right? but i need this explanation :-P. maybe that means i would still “be” after i die 😛
  • for the next lines, maybe it’s about “I” having a constant search upon, and a constant feeling of missing “Thy”. (what is “merindukan ” in english?)
  • jealousy? oh no, that’s soooo me 😛 nothing happened wrong at all, it’s just part of me automatically ,,,  my reflect response huahahahhahahaahahahahaaaa (evil grin).
  • kiss and lips and the next lines, hmm, no need any further conversation, kiss and lips is just the embodiment of “me” huahahahahhaaa
  • on a fuller context, i feel this poetry is trying to tell me about great passion,,, if it could be summarized into one word, that word would be passionate (imho). passion drives so “I” won’t give up, pursuing for a “the it” (Soul of Souls) or nothing at all, keeping “I” even after death, making “I” full of jealousy, and about that lips and kiss (in it’s literarry meaning or not) …, hmmm, too much (maksude, mungkin orang2 nganggap itu terkesan berlebihan buanget) but bittersweetly true. only a passionate person can accept (i mean, receive) this poetry… i realized that this “passionate-me” is the character i’ve always tried to avoid.

in the end, the most relieving thought that comes to me after getting this poetry is “it’s okay to be myself.” eventhough the whole world would have an opinion that i’m absolutely not that average-ideal-girl at all, but those me-character that has just  honestly appeared can come up as a nice poetry anyway 😀 so, i need not to be afraid, especially of myself ^_^

afterwords: i know i need to read it more and more (repeatedly) to get the meaning, maybe another time. maybe another meaning/new understanding will come to my mind 😛 thanks hafiz poetry book 🙂

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2 thoughts on “never superstitious enough

  1. "Till you grant my wish, I won't give up my demandI will reach the Soul of Souls, or be buried in this land."i like that lines"average-ideal-girl", manusia tu suka aneh-aneh perasaan ya, i mean, mereka suka menentukan sendiri apa yang 'ideall' apa yang enggak, dapet darimana mereka standar kayak gitu =(it's ok to be ourself, God created us to be like' this ' rite?

  2. telponmu tadi siang mengingatkanku pada lagu jason mraz:"Please Don't Tell Her"

    I hear she's kicking ass across the board and rock two hundred thousand higher scorer
    Just in time to save the world of being taken over
    She's a warrior
    I couldn't play again because the game it never end it never even landed on the can
    And never let me in to spend my quarter
    There's no love for me no more

    Say it isn't so
    How she easily come, and she easy go
    Please don't tell her that I've been meaning to miss her
    Because I don't

    She was the girl with the broadest shoulders
    But she would die before I crawled over them
    She is taller than I am
    She knew I wouldn't mind the view there
    Or the altitude with a mouth full of air
    She let me down the doubt came out until the now became later

    Say that it isn't so
    How she easily come, how she easy go
    Please don't tell her that
    'Cause she don't really need to know

    That I'm crazy like the rest of us
    And I'm crazier when I'm next to her

    So why after the all of everything that came and went
    I care enough to still be singing of the bitter end and broken eras
    I told you I don't but
    I am only trying to be the best with my intent to cure
    The rest is sure to lay me ease the plural hurts of the words of reverse psychology
    That's easier said
    Easier than done
    Please don't dare tell her what I've become
    Please don't mention all the attention I have drawn
    Please don't bother cause she'll feel guilty when I'm gone

    Because I'm crazy like the rest of us
    But I'm crazier when I'm next to her
    And it's amazing how she's so self-assured
    But I know she'd hate me if she knew my words
    Do I hurt anymore
    Do I hurt, well
    I don't
    I don't
    I don't

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